The Final Horseman of the Relationship Apocalypse: Horseman 4

I’ve been reading John Gottman’s book “Why Marriages Succeed or Fail” and found his four primary indicators of the eminent demise of a relationship fascinating. The first three indicators covered were criticism, contempt and defensiveness. Bringing all three to a culminating point, Gottman’s last horsemen for the destruction of a relationship is “stonewalling.”
He says:
Stonewalling often [...]

Is Chivalry Dead or Perhaps Just Redefined?

In the Dark Ages, a code of chivalry sprang up to determine a certain code of conduct for honorable knights. From the Song of Roland, we get a pretty good picture of what kind of behavior was acceptable and demanded from the men of the time… (skipping some of the more combat oriented points)

To protect [...]

Secrets for a More Satisfying Relationship

None of us are perfect, no matter how much self-improvement reading or therapizing we do or don’t do, but there are a few simple changes you can make that will take your relationships to a new level… friendships, dating and marriage.

Looking for a True Partner

My married friends are usually busy running around after their 2.5 kids, a dog or three and chauffeuring between soccer, dance and school all while trying to keep the house neat, the bills paid and work rolling in on time. Its not a recipe that lends itself towards having time to sit leisurely with a single friend and shoot the breeze. However, when one of my new mom friends invited me over to share in the chaos of a two year old, a new baby and life in the mommy lane… she imparted a valuable piece of wisdom that deserves more air time than just rolling around in my brain…

Can You Work Through It or Should You Break Up?

We are so quick to pick apart our date or relationship… she seems a bit heavier than what you normally prefer, he isn’t as ambitious as you would like, he’s kind of messy, she’s too bossy… basically the other person just isn’t what you imagined for yourself. People become disposable commodities who either fit on our checklist of what we want or they are discarded for being less than perfect.

But what happens when someone surprises you? They don’t fit the checklist and you just can’t keep yourself from loving them anyway. When do you throw away your check list and when do you pay attention to the imperfections? How do you know if your preferences are requires or desires and does the difference matter?

I think the difference matters. Yes, we all want what we not only require but what we desire… but sometimes our desires can outstrip our requires by a long shot and that’s when we run the danger of asking more from one human being than is humanly possible.

If you keep finding yourself running the same relationship patterns of finding someone, dating for a certain length of time and then dumping them or not being able to find someone to fit your standards, perhaps take a look at your require v. desire list and see what’s going on…

Integrity and Character: Does your date think you have it?

Character and Integrity. Two biggies. The biggest if you really think about it. Those two concepts define and direct the course of our lives. If you think your date doesn’t notice a little lie here and a little cheat there, you are dead wrong. Some daters measure your integrity and use that to decide if there will be a second date or not. Do you pass the test?

A Story from the Trenches…

Boy sees girl. Girl smiles at boy. Three hours later, boy asks girl for phone number. Girl recounts events of the previous evening with friends over mimosas at brunch. Boy never calls. Girl is confused why boy didn’t “follow through”…

What’s Your Dating Footprint?

Like a Carbon Footprint, Can You Leave a Dating Footprint?

Have you been a Sasquatch stomping around in your dating community? Do you have a nickname or moniker that people refer to, such as…

Are We Glorifying A Culture Of Mean?

A recent informal TV content poll (taken by yours truly) leads me to believe that… we seem to be celebrating a culture of mean…