Online Profiles: What Not To Do

In light of the fact that online dating sites like Match.com are reporting a record number of members, I thought a quick re-cap of what not to do on your online dating profile would be in order:
1. Be Fun! Cynical, pessimistic and skeptical only come across as attractive to like minded folks and the CIA. [...]

If You Want To Get Attention In A Bar… Take A Kindle.

Apparently Amazon’s Kindle is more compelling than a smile, more of an invitation than eye contact and works better for an ice breaker than a cute little puppy dog. Honestly, the level of unsolicited attention kind of reminds me of how I felt when people decided they had an open invitation to chat simply because I drove a convertible in LA. Anyway…

I arrived at my hotel LATE last night and as a result, scrambled to make it to the bar downstairs before they stopped serving. I slid into the open seat at the bar, grabbed a menu and waved down the bartender to sneak in my order 10 minutes before the kitchen closed. Then, breathing a sigh of relief (I was HUNGRY), I flipped open my Kindle.

After years of flirting with baggage overage charges on my longer trips due to my voracious reading patterns, I finally caved last week and ordered a Kindle. I didn’t think I would like it as much as I do. I also had no clue it was going to be considered an open invitation to any male in the vicinity to approach and ask me about what I’m reading and why, how I like the Kindle and can they buy me a drink.

Perhaps this doesn’t surprise some of you. After all, the dating advice books all say to take along or wear a conversation starter when entering a new public venue. Team hat, funny t-shirt, interesting necklace… whatever would give another person an entrance to start talking to you. But, you see, I’ve been reading books in public for years. I simply have no fear of going to dinner with my literary flavor of the day for a date. And can safely say that rarely has anyone used that as a reason to talk to me. Perhaps its because I read books that improvise as dumbbells when away from a gym… but whatever the reason… the Kindle does not send the same literary spinster message as a hefty tomb of historical fiction or the latest book on cultural development.

As I quickly discovered on my culinary adventure last night.

Public Displays of Affection

PDA: Public Displays of Affection (otherwise known as making out where other people can see you, hear you or just generally be disturbed by you)

I saw a couple canoodling on a very crowded train the other day and thought, “I’m really glad that I’m not standing where that guy’s hand is moving since things are about to get really awkward if he touches the stranger behind his girlfriend in an incredibly inappropriate place…”

Now, I’m not particularly anti-PDA or pro-PDA, but in my humble opinion, there seems to be occasions where it might be more or less appropriate than others. So I thought I would share a few of the less appropriate…

You should probably keep your hands and lips to yourself when:

Yoga Pants: Love ‘em or leave ‘em

Yes, I joined the 12 step program to get over my yoga pant addiction. The comfort… the stretch… the flexibility… black versatility… I digress. Seriously, being the self-employed type, I was able to get away with a 7 day a week yoga pants habit until one of my friends staged an intervention…

Online Dating: Eharmony Style

For all of you online daters out there, you know there are certain… ummm… limitations to the process. Check out some of the alternative “closing” reasons I’m suggesting for Eharmony just to make things more… interesting…

Handling the Holidays with Humor

Strategies for coping with date’s family on Thanksgiving. Or 10 ways to make sure you DON’T get invited back:

Don’t go and send your phone to one of those Nigerian scam emailers to field the angry follow up calls from your date.
Join Aunt Mildred in breaking her 5 day sobriety count.
Wear hair in pigtails and insist [...]

You Lost Me At Hello

You lost me at hello when you:

Little Old Lady in a Lincoln Part Deux

Well folks, sorry for the delay, but we have an update from the world of “S” and “the guy on the scene.”
A quick re-cap for those who missed post #1.
Old lady. Driving. Runs red. Spins one car out of control along with her own. My friend “S” winds up in a car sandwich. Neccesitating “guy [...]

Air Dog Sequence

Happy Friday!